Sunday, August 13, 2006

Dark Side of the Moon

I haven't blogged in a while, mainly because I don't have the time as much anymore with being back to work and all, Dawn has ball and we've been busy doing things with our life.

I have to blog tonight to get some stuff off my chest. I am so fucking tired of Cancer already. My father is currently undergoing chemotherapy for his stage IIIA colon ca, my uncle, his brother, the best man in the world, is dying of bone cancer and possibly has bladder too. My other uncle, his brother in law, has advanced brain cancer, so within this year, 4 people in my family have had cancer and are on chemo now. I am sick of it already. Out of a family of 8 on my mother's side, 5 have died from cancer and 7 have had it. My dad's dad died of prostate cancer that had mets to the bone, then my uncle, and now my dad's brother in law with brain. We lost my grandmother in Sept of last year, my dad's mom. My mom died 8 years ago this year of colon cancer, what gives? I am so frustrated with this disease!

On top of that, I feel so guilty being around my two uncles because my outcome prognosis and my father's prognosis is better and we have options where they are considered terminal. I also get irked at my father because this man is 71 years old, he was verbally and mentally abusive to my sisters, mom and I for years, he has abused his body significantly with alcohol, etc., and has such a negative attitude and doesn't realize how lucky he has been. Before he started this round of chemotherapy, his only question was whether or not he still drink and how many beers he could have. This is the chemo that I am allergic to and have to wait to see specialists before I can continue my regimen, which will probably be Xeloda. I feel really horrible being around my uncles children knowing he has such a bleak outlook and I am still alive and that I am still alive and my mom isn't.

While I am writing this, I have to say that Dawn came in here, and she knows what's going on and how I feel, yet she came in here and asked me if I feel sexy tonight? WTF, WTDF? (what the double fuck).


Anonymous tom cruise said...


9/06/2006 1:22 AM  

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