Killing me softly
I've decided, through a long arduous thought process, that chemo isn't for me. I truly feel it is causing me more harm than good, I am getting a sinus and uti infection after my treatment, each time now, I am on steroids because of the allergic reaction I had to it, which, btw, they told me is very rare, only 1% of the population every experiences that.
I have prayed and prayed on this, asking God for guidance regarding chemo. I felt the allergic reaction was my last straw and my sign. I truly feel it's tearing me down. The oncologists cannot tell me if this will benefit me, so what's the point to keep posioning my body with a substance you're not even supposed to touch with your hands? But yet they're putting it in my body? I always said if I ever had cancer I would not do chemotherapy, well I've given it my best shot for two cycles now, and it's over, I throw up the white flag.
It is day 4 since chemo and I am still not myself. I am lounging around at home, with barely enough energy to go to the bathroom. I don't want to do this every other week for the next six months. People say to me, what's six months compared to a life time? One lady told me she would try harder if she had kids, which she did. It's not that I want to die or I am ready to die. It's not that I am giving up, it's just I feel this method of treatment is not for me.
I go Wednesday to have an abd/pelvic ct and a pelvic sono on Thursday to follow up on my various aliments that have been going on, hopefully I won't get any bad news. I am thinking positive.
On another note, my father is doing better, but probably will not be out of the hospital until later on next week.
In other news, Dawn say a snake in the yard today, now she is freaked about snakes, interesting enough it was by Drew and I had a dream that Drew was going to get bit by a snake, that is why I am incesant upon her taking her out on a leash, this time she did.
I have prayed and prayed on this, asking God for guidance regarding chemo. I felt the allergic reaction was my last straw and my sign. I truly feel it's tearing me down. The oncologists cannot tell me if this will benefit me, so what's the point to keep posioning my body with a substance you're not even supposed to touch with your hands? But yet they're putting it in my body? I always said if I ever had cancer I would not do chemotherapy, well I've given it my best shot for two cycles now, and it's over, I throw up the white flag.
It is day 4 since chemo and I am still not myself. I am lounging around at home, with barely enough energy to go to the bathroom. I don't want to do this every other week for the next six months. People say to me, what's six months compared to a life time? One lady told me she would try harder if she had kids, which she did. It's not that I want to die or I am ready to die. It's not that I am giving up, it's just I feel this method of treatment is not for me.
I go Wednesday to have an abd/pelvic ct and a pelvic sono on Thursday to follow up on my various aliments that have been going on, hopefully I won't get any bad news. I am thinking positive.
On another note, my father is doing better, but probably will not be out of the hospital until later on next week.
In other news, Dawn say a snake in the yard today, now she is freaked about snakes, interesting enough it was by Drew and I had a dream that Drew was going to get bit by a snake, that is why I am incesant upon her taking her out on a leash, this time she did.
posted by Christy at 10:36 PM
1 Comments:
I don't quite know what to say other than that Cancer Sucks. I am not religious (I'm a recovering catholic) but I guess it can't hurt to pray for guidence. I hate my chemo too but I'm doing it all so I won't be able to look back after it comes at me again and say "If I only took that last dose, I'd be ok". I saw you had a comment about a nauseau medication. I'm trying the good old Mary Jane and it's better for me, but whatever floats you boat as they say. Hang in there, you'll get through this...
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