Saturday, December 23, 2006

Woman's Best Friend and Domestic Partners

Today I picked Drew up from the vet. She had a syncope episode earlier this week and they wanted to do a blood pressure on her, a sonogram of her heart and an EKG, she also had some radiographs of her belly.

$544. 00 later, she has heart failure and has a new medicine as well as some prescription dog food. After I wiped the vaseline from my buttocks and got over the soreness of being stuck with a stiff one, I was ready to take my baby home. She's doing a little better so far, the doc said she could live for years like this if she responds well to medication, if not, she may only live months.

Domestic Partners-Tonight is Friday night, it's rainy, nasty and cold outside, like one of those afternoons when you were younger and got home from school and just wanted to go home and read something and eat grilled cheese sandwiches, however, after our mini party tonight for a close friend that just achieved her master's degree, she decided to go out to the bar. I dropped her off at 10:30, the club doesn't close until 1:30, so I assume I will be getting her then.

I get irked about her wanting to go to the bar, I think some of this might be because of the whole ordeal of having a an alcoholic father, also the fact that I feel like why would she not want to stay home and spend the time with me? I know that at times I am unbearable, and all, but I have been getting a little complacent in our relationship.

I am tried of always putting forth the effort, I don't know how I will or can handle her famliy and their balant disrespect of me and the fact that we're together in not so many ways. We've recently asked a friend to be a known sperm donor for us, but we're thinking that maybe it's not such a good idea, or at least I am. Part of me thinks that Dawn and I aren't meant to have kids, we've had a lot of obstacles in trying to achieve this, so maybe it's just not meant to be.

Sometimes I wonder where I'd be without Dawn, just because I feel like I've lost some of myself with being with her, but isn't that normal? I don't know anymore.

I know I am tried of being the one that always tries to do romantic or nice things or always being the "gas" in the relationship. Dawn is happy with the status quo, she's one to stay the course, whereas, I am one to want to do something to change it for the better or improve in anyway possible.

Sometimes, I just wish I'd dated myself, fucked around, went to school and not stayed so uptight about shit. Sometimes I wish I wasn't the one that worried about everything. Would have, should have, could have? You tell me!


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