D-day?

Or should I say C-day? I had my scopes done today. I came awake on the table because they put too much air in my colon. The doc wouldn't specify whether or not it was Cancer, but he didn't say it wasn't. I am definitely losing the blood from that site though. A million and two things are running through my head......I am really freaking out here. We just got this big ass house, if I lose my job I lose my benefits, but there might be hope. I should be able to cobra my health and hopefully use my life insurance too. It will be about 400 a month, I don't care though, because I have no other choice. I just feel that no one really understands me or what I am going through, and not in the sense that I am the only one this has ever happened to. My sister says to me today, why you, not in the terrible, OMG way, why you, but she is looking at me as if I am doing something to cause this, something wretched, she is like you need to change your diet, I am like whatever, I eat fiber, I eat fast food, but I still eat lots of broccoli, which is a cancer deterent and look I may still have it. I am 29 and I MAY have cancer, that sucks, if it's true, even if it isn't I still have to have surgery to have my colon removed, at 29!

My main worry throughout this all, isn't dying or even cancer. It's Dawn. I worry about how she will cope and deal, what will I leave her with? Will she be able to afford it on her own, etc., that's what I worry about. People keep saying don't think the worst, uh, how can I not? My mom died of it, it's on the right side just like hers was, it's genetic, the doc ordered a CEA test on me, and wanted me to have an abd/pelvic ct right away-to see if anything spread, so how can I not worry? or think the worst?

I am really just ready for all this to be over with, I am going to bed for now.