Lions, Tigers, and Fertility Doctors....oh my!
Today, Dawn and I went to go see Dr. Mottla in Annapolis, a nearly two hour drive from our house, we took a wrong turn on the way there and got lost for about 1/2 hour then found our way back to get a call that the doctor had an emergency and would need to push our appt time back 1.5 hours, no biggie, but I did say to Dawn, do you think this is an omen? Maybe we shouldn't have children, she simply said no.
The Appointment: We get there and talk with Dr. Mottla about my history, my recent past surgery, the fact that I am getting ready to start chemotherapy for 6 months, 600 hours, worth, my genetic mutation of this wretched gene, etc., I told him the donor we've picked out since 2001 at Fairfax Cryobank had colon cancer in his family and his mother died of it, and that I had a 50% chance of passing this gene off onto my offspring. He stopped me mid-sentence and stated that the ultimate goal of fertility is achieving a child, a healthly child in the end, that is the ultimate goal, how you get there doesn't matter. I told him, that although condesending as it may sound, I don't feel that genetics make up a family, and I do think it takes more than an egg and sperm to be a parent, however, children are the ultimate immortality, he then says to me that regardless of genetics and whichever partner the egg comes from, the child will still be your ultimate immortality, because you will have passed on beliefts, moral values, and traditions that you have, genetics have nothing to do with that. He is saying this and I can't help but notice the MANY pictures of children on his desk, that are inevitably his family and inevitably look like him. He tells me that he doesn't want to side step his bounds or try to distraumatize anything that I've went through, but since I have a current health crisis, why put more heat on the fire? I went there seeking information regarding the possibility of getting my eggs harvested, fertilized, frozen and stored for long-term optional use down the road, with Dawn carrying, of course we'd have to chose another donor. Dawn and I looked at a white donor, and we've decided we like him, and he gave us a treatment plan for her to proceed with so that we could move forward in 6 months time once I am done chemo and on my way to better health.
At first when I left there, I was feeling better about things, almost in a sense like a weight had been lifted off my shoulder, but in another sense, I felt empty and hurt, because I felt like he really didn't listen to my needs or desires. There are many factors to consider in this and I don't want to leave any loose ends hanging. I just feel like once I start chemo, my womanhood is gone.
People say once you have the child, all the stuff that gets you there is just filler, and it's hindsight, you don't even think about it, but I am really wondering. Also, to add fuel to the ordeal, I called Dawn's insurance company and they only cover 6 IUIs per lifetime and that is at 50% each time, he would want to do two per month, which is 3500-5000, for 5 months, if everything is healthly with her. In addition, she has to meet certain criteria to be eligible for her insurance to cover this, and EVERYTHING has to be preauthorized, even lab work. The criteria she has to meet, is that if she is a female patient without a male partner, then she has to pay for 12 cycles of IUI at her expense without insurance paying for anything, then, secondly, if she were a female patient with a male partner, then she would just need a documentation from an OBGYN stating that she had been trying for 12 months at home with no pregnancy. I think that is a double-standard-bullshit-hog-wash if I ever saw one!
The Appointment: We get there and talk with Dr. Mottla about my history, my recent past surgery, the fact that I am getting ready to start chemotherapy for 6 months, 600 hours, worth, my genetic mutation of this wretched gene, etc., I told him the donor we've picked out since 2001 at Fairfax Cryobank had colon cancer in his family and his mother died of it, and that I had a 50% chance of passing this gene off onto my offspring. He stopped me mid-sentence and stated that the ultimate goal of fertility is achieving a child, a healthly child in the end, that is the ultimate goal, how you get there doesn't matter. I told him, that although condesending as it may sound, I don't feel that genetics make up a family, and I do think it takes more than an egg and sperm to be a parent, however, children are the ultimate immortality, he then says to me that regardless of genetics and whichever partner the egg comes from, the child will still be your ultimate immortality, because you will have passed on beliefts, moral values, and traditions that you have, genetics have nothing to do with that. He is saying this and I can't help but notice the MANY pictures of children on his desk, that are inevitably his family and inevitably look like him. He tells me that he doesn't want to side step his bounds or try to distraumatize anything that I've went through, but since I have a current health crisis, why put more heat on the fire? I went there seeking information regarding the possibility of getting my eggs harvested, fertilized, frozen and stored for long-term optional use down the road, with Dawn carrying, of course we'd have to chose another donor. Dawn and I looked at a white donor, and we've decided we like him, and he gave us a treatment plan for her to proceed with so that we could move forward in 6 months time once I am done chemo and on my way to better health.
At first when I left there, I was feeling better about things, almost in a sense like a weight had been lifted off my shoulder, but in another sense, I felt empty and hurt, because I felt like he really didn't listen to my needs or desires. There are many factors to consider in this and I don't want to leave any loose ends hanging. I just feel like once I start chemo, my womanhood is gone.
People say once you have the child, all the stuff that gets you there is just filler, and it's hindsight, you don't even think about it, but I am really wondering. Also, to add fuel to the ordeal, I called Dawn's insurance company and they only cover 6 IUIs per lifetime and that is at 50% each time, he would want to do two per month, which is 3500-5000, for 5 months, if everything is healthly with her. In addition, she has to meet certain criteria to be eligible for her insurance to cover this, and EVERYTHING has to be preauthorized, even lab work. The criteria she has to meet, is that if she is a female patient without a male partner, then she has to pay for 12 cycles of IUI at her expense without insurance paying for anything, then, secondly, if she were a female patient with a male partner, then she would just need a documentation from an OBGYN stating that she had been trying for 12 months at home with no pregnancy. I think that is a double-standard-bullshit-hog-wash if I ever saw one!
posted by Christy at 12:01 AM
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