Thursday, May 18, 2006

What more can this family take?

My family has definately been plagued by some bad karma or something. My mom was first diagnosed with colon cancer when I was 14, she kept having reoccurances after reoccurances until it killed her 8 years ago this year. My father was diagnosed with bladder cancer when I was 15, then he had an abdominal tumor that was cancerous and inoperable when I was 17, then he got lung cancer when I was 21, 6 months after my mom died, then the lung cancer came back, and now he has colon cancer. My sister Patty has had trouble with her ovaries and is bleeding irregularily and has also been having some colonic problems (passing blood). My sister Debbie has polycystic kidney disease. I am recovering from my total colectomy surgery I had done on 3/27 for colon cancer and am about to undergo 6 months of chemo and now this.

I feel bad for my father, having been a patient and a caretaker now, I would not have surgery if I was him. I don't have that much will in me, and I don't think that necessarily that that is a bad thing, but at almost 71 he is ready to go through another surgery, which I don't know whether or not he will have to have a colostomy bag or not, I hope he won't, espeically since he already has a urostomy. That would be so fucking IRONIC, my mom had two bags and so will my father. I don't have a good feeling about this surgery, my sister said she didn't either. Dad didn't look good today, very pale and weak, and this was before he found out. He was shocked, pissed, upset, a multitude of emotions, that unfortunately I"ve come to know personally. I can't imagine having it 5 fucking times. If I had a reoccurance I don't know that I would have surgery, because my next option would be a bag and I am not sure I would want a quality of life like that. Granted you can still do stuff and function and what not, but it's just different.

All this happens when I have to get ready to go back to work in a FUCKING week, GeSh!

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