Saturday, December 30, 2006

Message from the Known Donor and CEA Levels

He stated he did not forget about us and that he just wanted to let us know that, that he was still thinking about it and that he had talked with his ex wife and was going to talk with his 12 year old daughter this weekend coming up I guess. I don't think he will say yes. If he did that would be nice, but it's also filled with hurdles, like timing and ovulation, lawyers and whether or not to do home inseminations which would be more convenient, but maybe not as productive. If I were to go to the doc's it would cost 350 per insem, but we would be able to use fresh sperm and that would pose the obstacle of getting it to the doc's fast enough so the swimmers don't die, and of course getting him, which would be during the daytime and conflict with his schedule at work which we do not want to compromise. What to do, what to do? Sometimes I wish it would be easier, sometimes I wish we were the same color so donor selection wouldn't be such a thought process, sometimes I wish we were younger, shit sometimes I wish I were a man so I could get her pregnant. Dawn pregnant would be a sight now.

So yesterday I went to the doc's, my onocologist, who still isn't worried about the weight gain from the chemo, I am, now at 181.5, my highest in my entire life. He wants me to do two more cycles of chemo. I do not, perhaps I will do faux chemo, where he thinks I am doing it, but I am not. I asked him about my port, I can get that removed 6 months after my chemo stops, which really wouldn't be if I were to get pregnant in between that time. Then he stated I would do scans every six months which elated me because I was worried they were going to settle for yearly. Then he told me that my CEA level was normal, absolutely 0! It's never been zero, always like 2.5 or 3, so something is working huh? I am really excited about that. I hope it stays at bay, now if I can just get this weight off. He also asked me when I was going to have the hysterectomy because of the mutation.

If we were to try to have a child, amidst the problems we are having off and on, I would need to lose about 40 or so pounds, be out of surgery at least a year, that happens at the end of March, and be chemo free for three months, so even if he were to say yes, we would not start trying for baby until June of 2007 probably. I figure if I start in January I could probably lose 40 pounds by June of next year, that would get me ready for baby. I don't think my body can tolerate a lot of weight, I feel like I am in my own way now, I have a mini double chin and my boobs are a DD now. I hate that, they never seem to go away. I would also need to thoughtfully consider using my own eggs again, for awhile I'd grown comfortable not worrying about being genetically attached to the child, but now I am worried about being genetically attached to the child, what if chemo did something to my eggs? What if I pass on this mutation, with a 50% chance of doing so, I don't want to spread this gene down the family tree more than it already has been. Needless to say we and I have lots to consider for the upcoming year.

Ta ta for now.


Blogger :phil: said...

You sure have a lot on your plate, but you are handling it well. I need to drop some weigh too. I went from about 175 to about 205. After my first surgery I had dropped to 145. I am on a chemo break for a month or so then I'll see what happens next. That's great about your CEA. I keep forgetting to ask what mine is. Last I heard it was under 3 so that's cool.
Good luck with the pregnancy :-)

1/05/2007 7:09 AM  

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