ChilDrEn, donors and sperm banks and oh yeah the EGGS!
That's been the question that I've been thinking about for the past day or so, I think maybe my gyno visit might have sparked it off even more.
Dawn and I started looking at donors at Fairfax Cryobank around 2002, only 2 years after we were together, this October we will be together for 6 years. It's certainly a record for me, I usually want to trade them in at the five year mark. Dawn's different though. I totally HEART here.
When I got pregnant before, I felt like my life had ended and another's had began, that is was no longer about me, it was about IT, I didn't mind that feeling, it felt nice, but also helpless, that was only 2 years ago-almost, this coming December our child would be two. WOW, just thinking of it that way makes me really think about it more!
I talked with Ann yesterday, she and Cindy now are a family of four, Morgan is almost two months now. We talked about having children and she stated she thinks we should, a lot of people think we should. Dawn even thinks we should, she stated she could live without a child, and be happy with just us, but then in that sense it seems weird in one aspect. I think it's this American Dream bullshit, buy a house, have a family, live happily ever after babble that is encroached into our minds from birth.
I don't know if I could be happy without a child, I am not in the middle like Dawn. I am on one extreme or the other, I am kind of like that with everything actually, I am trying not to be, and have become nonchalant about a few things lately. I sort of feel like we've worked really hard to get where we are, to build this house, which everyday I love more and more and to be somewhat debt free. In one aspect I feel we should have a child, it would be awesome to raise a child with Dawn, then on the other side, I feel like let's live life a little more then have a child, but with my recent diagnosis, it's hard to think about the future long, long term-meaning greater than 5 years.
Right now, I just don't know about any of this.....
Dawn and I started looking at donors at Fairfax Cryobank around 2002, only 2 years after we were together, this October we will be together for 6 years. It's certainly a record for me, I usually want to trade them in at the five year mark. Dawn's different though. I totally HEART here.
When I got pregnant before, I felt like my life had ended and another's had began, that is was no longer about me, it was about IT, I didn't mind that feeling, it felt nice, but also helpless, that was only 2 years ago-almost, this coming December our child would be two. WOW, just thinking of it that way makes me really think about it more!
I talked with Ann yesterday, she and Cindy now are a family of four, Morgan is almost two months now. We talked about having children and she stated she thinks we should, a lot of people think we should. Dawn even thinks we should, she stated she could live without a child, and be happy with just us, but then in that sense it seems weird in one aspect. I think it's this American Dream bullshit, buy a house, have a family, live happily ever after babble that is encroached into our minds from birth.
I don't know if I could be happy without a child, I am not in the middle like Dawn. I am on one extreme or the other, I am kind of like that with everything actually, I am trying not to be, and have become nonchalant about a few things lately. I sort of feel like we've worked really hard to get where we are, to build this house, which everyday I love more and more and to be somewhat debt free. In one aspect I feel we should have a child, it would be awesome to raise a child with Dawn, then on the other side, I feel like let's live life a little more then have a child, but with my recent diagnosis, it's hard to think about the future long, long term-meaning greater than 5 years.
Right now, I just don't know about any of this.....
posted by Christy at 11:35 AM
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