Sperm~~~~~~~~O not a lesbian's best friend or is it?

I never thought as a lesbian I would think so much about sperm. Two days ago, we purchased two vials of IUI and IVF sperm for a grand fee of $635.00 from Fairfax Cryobank from donor 2703. See said picture to the right. Isn't he adorable? big ears and rubber ducky and all? Yes I think he is now that I look at this picture. He got 1380 on his SATs afterall. Anyway, as if we don't have the following factors to complicate things more:

• we're an interracial couple
• Dawn's diabetes
• my previous chemotherapy
• my colon cancer genetic mutation
• my previous surgery
• my previous cancer history
• my current cancer risk and need for a hysterectomy because of the cancer gene
• we're lesbians
• our age
• Dawn's job-she works in a warehouse and does heavy lifting and in production installing cables and what nots
• cost of getting pregnant her insurance will not cover for same sex couples, only if she is with a male partner
• our known donor, we'll call him T for now, we asked him some months ago, he never gave us an answer, and today he tells us yes.

He says yes, after I've already ordered whitey. T is black, he already has two children, if we went with T, we would not need to come out of 20K out of pocket right off the bat automatically, we would just try with my eggs and do cycles of IUI and utilize my insurance benefits and hope that it covers that, I have 10K of coverage. We risk the chances of never getting pregnant, chemo has had to of affected my eggs/ovaries. Also, with him, the chances do not increase, because it would not be fresh, we'd have to get his stuff frozen, and then it would involve attorney's and how much we would pay him. I have already seen his ex wife in public and his children and I feel extremely weird and odd around them, like I am a home wreaker or something, I know that sounds odd, but that's how I feel.

I asked Dawn tonight why she wanted to have a child, she told me because she wanted to see "us" in it. I could not anwser her, other than to have someone to leave our house and assets to and that's not a reason to have a child. Part of me feels that I could be perfectly happy being the Aunt my whole life, I enjoy getting Jordan and spending time with her and being a major part of Haley, Dawn and Shawna's lives, everyone tells me that I would make a great mother, but I don't know if motherhood is for me really. I don't want to be 50 and wishing I would have had a child is all. Where's that instruction booklet to life when you need it?