ID Consent Donor 2703 is the wave of the future

So we've decided that is the way to go, no wavering in the wind, no contemplating second base, the decision is final, we're not going to worry about the known donor deal, because all in all, we should have thought through it better, and really made a better decision overall before we consulted him. I apologize for even asking him to consider the option.

Sperm~~~~~~~~O not a lesbian's best friend or is it?

I never thought as a lesbian I would think so much about sperm. Two days ago, we purchased two vials of IUI and IVF sperm for a grand fee of $635.00 from Fairfax Cryobank from donor 2703. See said picture to the right. Isn't he adorable? big ears and rubber ducky and all? Yes I think he is now that I look at this picture. He got 1380 on his SATs afterall. Anyway, as if we don't have the following factors to complicate things more:

• we're an interracial couple
• Dawn's diabetes
• my previous chemotherapy
• my colon cancer genetic mutation
• my previous surgery
• my previous cancer history
• my current cancer risk and need for a hysterectomy because of the cancer gene
• we're lesbians
• our age
• Dawn's job-she works in a warehouse and does heavy lifting and in production installing cables and what nots
• cost of getting pregnant her insurance will not cover for same sex couples, only if she is with a male partner
• our known donor, we'll call him T for now, we asked him some months ago, he never gave us an answer, and today he tells us yes.

He says yes, after I've already ordered whitey. T is black, he already has two children, if we went with T, we would not need to come out of 20K out of pocket right off the bat automatically, we would just try with my eggs and do cycles of IUI and utilize my insurance benefits and hope that it covers that, I have 10K of coverage. We risk the chances of never getting pregnant, chemo has had to of affected my eggs/ovaries. Also, with him, the chances do not increase, because it would not be fresh, we'd have to get his stuff frozen, and then it would involve attorney's and how much we would pay him. I have already seen his ex wife in public and his children and I feel extremely weird and odd around them, like I am a home wreaker or something, I know that sounds odd, but that's how I feel.

I asked Dawn tonight why she wanted to have a child, she told me because she wanted to see "us" in it. I could not anwser her, other than to have someone to leave our house and assets to and that's not a reason to have a child. Part of me feels that I could be perfectly happy being the Aunt my whole life, I enjoy getting Jordan and spending time with her and being a major part of Haley, Dawn and Shawna's lives, everyone tells me that I would make a great mother, but I don't know if motherhood is for me really. I don't want to be 50 and wishing I would have had a child is all. Where's that instruction booklet to life when you need it?

If stress is a killer, how come I am not dead yet? Same soup different bowl

Ugh, I need a vacation, from everyone, just to get away....literally. I have had a rough year so far. Classes started, I missed one whole week, my father had a minor heart procedure, his car dies, heater goes up for a day, has to stay with me for a night, my sister and I got him a new car from my other sister, i took off a half day from work today to catch up on school and to get his car changed over for him, I did my nieces taxes with her, our taxes got hosed by the tax lady, of which, I caught the error, I am going to call the IRS to double check on that one. I am not a happy camper. I ordered sperm yesterday from the cryobank and then felt like I was going to throw up afterwards. It was an odd feeling. 635 dollars later, we have some swimmers on ice. 2 vials of an ID consent donor with an SAT score of 1380 and a high school gpa of 3.91 and a college gpa of 3.40 so he can't be too dumb. We're going to use Dawn's eggs, and my uterus, hopefully if all goes well. I go to the doc today to talk about more or less chemo :-), the possibility of whatever this bloodly phelgm is and getting the fucking mediport taken out, before september of this year, because heparin and babies don't mix. I am down to about 174. I started back on the weight loss plan. Dawn has gained about 6 pounds of the 30 she's lost.

I am so stressed about everything. I am sick of being everyone's back bone. I really am. It's so deafing and draining.ugh.......well ta ta for now, I am off to the doctors and to get my father to help him out, same soup different bowl!

Valentines Day, 30, Wicked and More, oh my!

Valentines Day was nice, my sweetie got me those, which was a very pleasant surprise. I went to work that morning and found those, along with season 1 and 2 of crank yankers on my desk, a nice cheesecake, and a card with 50 bucks in it for me.

The weekend came quickly, as usual I am severly busy, but I guess that's better than sitting around with my thumb up my ass?

Friday night she threw me a surprise birthday party for my 30th birthday, let's just say I made out like a champ with regards to all the money and cards I got. I was able to get myself some new things-clothes wise, without having to worry about feeling quilty about buying it afterwards, if I had spent our money to do so, especially when I am trying desperately to get us out of some of the debt we are in, mind you now, I have paid of 2500 worth of debt in January, so I'll give myself some kudos for that one! :-) go me!

Saturday we went to see Wicked, it was fabulous. I would go see it again, however, I would get better seats and I would go to an earlier show, just because with finishing up chemotherapy, taking 3 classes, working full time, and taking care of my father too, it's a lot and it's starting to take it's toll. I was really irked with mini about a few things. I really wonder if she really appreciates all the things we do for her. Okay I will stop the bitching here, and get off so I can mark some of the 67 items on my to-do list off. God love the queen and all that good stuff. Amanda if you're reading I hope you feel better, and Rich-sorry I missed our birthday, and I am sending you a happy belated now!