Friday, May 20, 2005

Maintenance Venting

Ahem, TGIF or not, I am glad it's here. I stayed late at work again today, although it truly was my day off, F was supposed to be there and she came in, at 10 and left at 12. I talked with the PM's about the new possibility of the new contract, it's 50/50 regardless of how I slice it.

I talked to DP today about all these "reoccuring" issues we seem to be having, I'm stressed about equity growth in our townhouse because we will need that $ in order to get our next house-of which we're still waiting on the freakin' woman to contact us to write a contract :(. As usual, DP's response is, "Everything will work out". I am spastically sitting across from the table as she says that trying to maintain composure.....what if it isn't fine? What if I lose my job and it takes me forever and a year to find another one, and we can't get the house, we have to put off ttc even longer (I swear my eggs are shrievling up and dying as I type this, they've packed their bags and are heading elsewhere, where reproduction is more possible) and the development of our education-i.e. continuing and finishing our degrees. I need to stop stressing, what is the worse that could happen? I could lose my job and we couldn't get the house and ttc could be put off for a few more years-as my mother would say anyday above ground is better than one below it-unfortunately with her gone, I should realize that even more. I just hate the fact that all the major decisions are left up to me, have I set myself up for this? Would I like it any other way? I don't really know!?!

Kasi came over today and I helped her out with her announcements for graduation, the money she is making is burning a hole in her pocket and she jokingly almost called me a daughter of a bitch or something of that nature, I told her to watch it, she realized she was wrong. I took Mini to Verizon today to get put on our cell plan, this works well for all parties involved. I explained to her that I will not hesitate to take her off the plan should she not abide by the rules-and not run the damn bill up to $400+ a month. It's surreal to me that all the nieces are almost graduated, odd really.

DP's asleep now and it's only a little after 11 on a Friday night. I wish I could figure out how to put pics on here or something like that, if this site was more like a Xanga or a MySpace I could put music on it too, but then Mini would figure out where I was and read my stuff, I would rather have strangers read it, hence posting it here.

Well I shall go now and take a hot relaxing shower then off to beddy-by for me, or at least off to, laying in bed thinking until my brain falls asleep and my body follows after.......

Thursday, May 19, 2005

At Work........Ugh!

So here it is, Thursday at 7:07 pm and I am still at work, damn monthly progress reports! UgH!!! I did goof off a lot today though. I have to come in tomorrow too, so much for my CWS tomorrow :0( I am skipping the gym today and threw WW out the window today, I got off to a good start, but just didn't finish with one :). My boss offered to buy me lunch at McDonalds so I had that, big mac attack, but I relentlessly needed it. I was proud of myself for going to the gym two whole days in a row, not much to some, but a milestone for me and not to mention that I ran 7 minutes, 30 seconds without stopping. Okay for now, I have to get back to work, DP just called, she wanted to know if I wanted her to go home and cook dinner at this time of night, then go to the gym....uh....yeah hi! I don't think so I told her, kind of senseless to cook stuff this time of night I told her, her class ended tonight, so hopefully she will be able to help out more around the house and get more involved with us, so I don't feel like an "I" instead of a "We" or "Us".
Oh, and big sister D called, crying to my niece about the problems with her husband, I wish my sister would just realize what a dip that man is and leave already! Calling her daughter upset over stupid stuff isn't going to help anyone, especially Mini-Me (Shawna-the niece).
Big Sister P is supposed to be checking into stuff for Dad's 70th surprise bday party, why is it that I always have to call her for an update? I told her that once this whole thing is over with for my father's party that I will not be contacting her, I am sick of always making the effort, she gives me this shiat about DNA and family and all this crap. I told her that family is what you make of it, and that because there is an age difference of 12 and 13 years between me and them (the older siblings) I've always felt like an only child. She then proceeds to tell me that she called all of Dad's siblings to let them know that Dawn (DP) would be coming to the party too, interesting I said, I said why did you do that, she said well, I wanted them to not be surprised by her being there, you know with the race issue! THis is where I try to come through the phone at her and am holding back tears of frustration. I told her I realize they're racist, but you literally made it an issue before it became one, now we're going to be walking in there with bullet proof vests on already. I told her I didn't care, regardless of who says it, if anything is said I will not hold back, I will give them a piece of my mind. She needs a reality check, I swear sometimes I am not related to these people I can't be.....well I should get some work done huh?

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

DP's Asleep.......yet again

Granted I realize and know that not everyone is a freakin night owl like I am, but here we are same soup different bowl. We were watching a movie and guess what, as usual she falls asleep. I am sick of it, I am sick of doing everything, I am sick of always being here alone too. I really question whether or not I want to be in *this* relationship. I am going to bed now, lots of stuff to do at work tomorrow.